Just Your Typical SG1 Thanksgiving
by spacegypsy1
Summary: What happens when you get Daniel, Jack, Sam, Teal'c, Vala and Cam together to cook Thanksgiving dinner?  D/V and S/J hint .


Just Your Typical SG-1 Thanksgiving

spacegypsy1

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What happens when you get Daniel, Jack, Sam, Teal'c, Vala and Cam together to cook Thanksgiving dinner? (D/V and S/J hint). Rated T for adult situation(s).

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Vala, hands on hips, stared at the rock hard group of small turkeys. "Daniel! Cameron's mother specifically said to get a fresh turkey because we won't have time to thaw it! I told you FRESH not FROZEN! One large, not three small."

To which Daniel scowled.

"Princess, there weren't any fresh turkeys. That's what took us so long. Jackson went to six stores. I called mom, damned if she wasn't awake, but anyhow, she said to get little ones and told me how to get them to thaw – safely – by tomorrow." Cam shook his head, looking a bit frustrated. "It's three a.m. He just got off duty a little while back - gettin' that box of weird whirly dudes translated and sent up to Area 51 so SG-3 could go home. Give the guy a break, he's been shoppin' every twenty four hour store for an hour!"

To which Vala looked contrite.

"And by the way," Her CO added, "mom invited us all for dinner if the turkeys don't thaw. She said we can take one of our mysterious 'ways' and get there by five tomorrow."

"Our mysterious ways are all in other mysterious places. We'd have to commandeer some F302's and I doubt we'd get very far." Sam wandered sleepy-eyed into the fracas.

Both dark brows raised as Vala grinned. "OH! I think I can get us an Alkesh."

"NO!" Daniel, Cam, and Sam all yelled out at once.

"Daniel, you better keep an eye on her. I don't want to be the one to haul all of you into the brig." Jack entered the kitchen scratching at his rumbled hair, yawning as he headed for the coffee pot. "We could have all gone to the cabin and had a fish fry. I need my sleep. I had to take the red eye out of Washington. Cost me a fortune. You people need to quiet down."

"The Tau'ri of North America, at least as far as I am aware, do not eat fish on Thanksgiving. They eat Turkey, O'Neill."

Jack gave Teal'c the 'I'm not listening to you' look.

"Someone has to figure this out. General Landry, Carolyn and her mother will be here for dinner at five tomorrow. You have a little over 36 hours. Besides, we can't leave town, SG-1's on call. I told Dixon I'd back him up if he got into something as the Officer On Duty at the SGC. So basically, I'm on call too. I'm going back to bed. Keep it down." Sam wandered back towards Daniel's guest room.

Vala made a face at Sam's back. "You're not helping!"

Sam called out from down the hall. "I'm on clean up duty with Teal'c and Daniel. This was your idea, yours and Cam's, and Jack volunteered."

"I have also agreed to buy the turkey pizza special from Mr. Wong's Pizza Pagoda should you fail." Teal'c bowed and left the kitchen.

"Right." Daniel nodded. "I shopped. I cleaned my apartment, I bought a blow up bed, pillows and extra covers, snacks, breakfast and beer. I'm hitting the sack."

Vala eyed the three small frozen turkeys as if they were Goa'uld symbiotes. "Cameron, darling, do you have a Zat?"

"Naw, this is easy, come on we'll get these little babies into the bottom of the fridge. We'll take a nap and start up later."

"Do you think Daniel will notice if I crawl into his bed?"

"No, but I might, since I'm bunkin' in with him." Grinning, Cam began to place the turkeys into the fridge.

"I could sleep between you two." She winked at Cam and then turned and grinned at Jack. "You could sleep with Samantha, General."

Jack scratched at his beard. "Ya know, Mitchell, sometimes she makes perfect sense." He wandered off back towards the blow up bed he'd hidden behind the couch. "And can somebody tell me what the hell ever prompted Carter to sell her house?"

"Maybe because she "secretly" lives with you in Washington when she's not flyin' round in the _George Hammond_?" Cam mumbled using the obligatory quotation marks around "secretly" and blanched when he turned and found General O'Neill staring at him from across the room.

~o0o~~o0o~~o0o~~o0o~

Vala woke up when Daniel quietly but firmly shoved her aside and snuggled up next to her. "There's not enough room for you." She whispered, peeping over his large frame at Sam in the other twin bed. "You have a king size bed. Go away." She shoved him back.

He nibbled at her neck, whispering, "She's asleep. Mitchell is snoring, and keeps rolling into my personal space."

"It's a huge bed! Now get up, you can't sleep here."

"Why?"

"Because."

"Why? We sleep in the same tent often on missions. You've slept with every member of SG-1 in a tent. Me, Mitchell, Teal'c, Sam when she was around..."

"This is not a tent! And...and you'll make me want you and then you'll think it's funny. I... I 'll seduce you if you don't leave."

"No you won't, not with Sam right..." Daniel suddenly halted his well planned retort.

Sam rose from the other bed, grabbed her covers and mumbled, "I'm going to cuddle up with a General. Might I suggest you kick Mitchell out of your bed, put Teal'c and Mitchell in here. Jack and I will have the living room, and you and Vala can have your bed."

Daniel popped up. "Whaa...what would Vala and I need my bed...together that is...for?"

"Oh, whatever, Daniel. Three months. Three months you two have been sleeping together. Do you think we're all blind? I mean all of us except Cam, who, of course is blind on purpose." Sam laughed as she shut the door.

Looking over his shoulder at Vala, Daniel scrunched his brows, confused. "What the hell does that mean?"

Scooting to the end of the bed, she stood. "It means, Daniel, we are rearranging sleeping...arrangements. Tonight. I have work to do for the rest of the day," she squealed in delight as he grabbed her by the waist and pulled her back into the small bed. "That works, alright, fine...get on with it so I can go cook. Oh. Oh. That's nice... Daniel..."

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Bravely, that evening over what Vala referred to as 'Thanksgiving Eve' dinner of Mac and Cheese, cold chicken and beer, Daniel stood up, clinked a glass for attention and gave out the new sleeping assignments. Vala beamed. Mitchell grumbled. Teal'c bowed in agreement. Sam raised her beer bottle in salute. Jack closed his eyes and shook his head.

Later, in Daniel's bed as Vala's hand traveled down his stomach, Daniel grabbed her wrist. "Not a good idea. The house is full of people and you know how you like to make a lot of noise."

She pulled her arm loose from his grip and continued on towards her target. "They won't be standing at the door with their ears pressed to the wood, darling. Besides, I'll be very, very, very quiet."

Having arrived at her destination, she smiled as Daniel's head went back into the pillow and he moaned in pleasure. "See, Daniel, it's you that we have to worry about."

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Jack shot a quick look over his shoulder. "We gotta stop meeting like this...here we are, 0500 hours on Thanksgiving morning and once again left on our own."

Vala, hair tied up high on her head and cascading wildly, wandered into the kitchen and ignored his comment as she rubbed the sleep out of her eyes. Her feet were encased in huge fluffy orange slippers. Her robe, which was hanging open over a T-shirt and boxers – obviously not hers – sported the same orange fluff as a decorative trim. She mumbled something inarticulate.

"Washing it, of course." Jack responded having somehow translated what she'd mumbled.

Stretching, Vala peered at the bird in the sink. "You're sure you have to wash them?"

"Of course." Peering over his shoulder again, Jack grinned at her disheveled look, and noted the military issue civvies she wore. Probably Daniel's. "So. You and the Spacemonkey, huh?"

He turned back to his chore and missed the look of shock on her face.

"Jack! I've only been with Daniel! Really, you're very crude... just like Mitchell told me. And I'm human, just like you – same ancestors, seeded all over the universe by the Goa'uld long ago. I like men. I like human men. Now, well, I like just one human man. Actually, I love him. Odd isn't it? And while I have done some strange things...and mind you, only to survive, I have never, ever, had sex with a monkey, or any animal for that fact!"

Turned somewhat from the sink, Jack stared at her, his face blank, mouth just ever so slightly open, eyes appearing to be glassed over.

"Really. Never." Vala emphasized, then her gaze dropped to where his hand was in the sink. "Why is your hand up inside that turkey?"

"Giblets." He forced the word out still staring at her in astonishment.

Head cocking to one side and hands on her hips, she lifted her eyes to his expressionless face. "Excuse me?"

Jack pulled the sack of giblets out and held it up. "Has to come out before cooking. Boil this and make sauce...or gravy...or stock, something like that. I was married to a real housewife once, you know, I know stuff." He turned back to his task.

Vala bit her bottom lip in consternation, eyes cutting hard to peer outside at the electric smoker on the balcony where she'd put one of the turkey's last night. "Oh." she managed, both eyebrows taking a dive as low as they could go. "I see." _Oops, hmm, I put that one on without removing the baggie thingie...it should be okay. Don't ask. Don't tell. Right?_

"Daniel's the Spacemonkey." Jack said out of the blue.

Gaze still on the electric smoker that didn't appear to be smoking, Vala commented offhandedly, "Ah ha. Then yes, I've been having sex with a monkey. It's not just sex. My little monkey is quite the..."

"Ack." Jack cautioned, holding up a slime covered digit.

Vala, understanding, shrugged, procured her coffee, sugar and cream and began gathering what she needed to complete her next project. Sweet potato casserole from Wendy Mitchell's recipe.

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"There is only one of the small turkeys in the oven." Teal'c, hands locked behind his back, peered through the glass doors.

"Right. That's the one for roastin', one I'm fryin' in a bit, and the other one is in the electric smoker, on the balcony. So quit your worryin'." Cam dried his hands on the bib apron he wore.

"I see, ColonelMitchell." Raising a brow in uncertainty, Teal'c faced the colonel. "You have asked for my assistance?"

"Yeah, could you take that big container of oil and this," Cam handed the Jaffa a sheet of paper, "and set up the fryer on the balcony, and then put the oil in it and turn it on. The instructions are on this sheet."

"Where is ValaMalDoran?"

"Don't wanna know."

"Asleep." Sam wandered into the kitchen. "Vala and Jack were up at 0500 getting things ready to cook. She's..."

"Okay, whatever. Let's get the show on the road. Carter, YOU wake up the princess..."

"As well as the prince." Teal'c added as he headed for the balcony doors.

Cam ignored him. "...we got cookin', preparin', things to chop, mix, etcetera."

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"...three, four. Four empty wine bottles. That's not good." Jack wandered around the kitchen, perusing the counters. "Two casseroles waiting to be cooked. It's almost 1600 hours! Where's the crew?"

Daniel opened the oven and stared. "Wow, isn't this supposed to be..."

"Cooking?" Jack peeped over his shoulder.

"No, well, yes, but..."

"Wrong answer?"

"Right, Jack, wrong."

"Bubbling?"

"Brown."

"Oh, good call, Daniel."

"It's not."

"Not, what?"

"Brown, Jack, it's not brown."

"Right."

"Problem." Daniel looked out towards the balcony.

"Obviously." Jack peered at the pale bird in the oven.

"No. I mean problem. Something's a bit off."

"Ya don't say?" Cranking his head around towards Daniel, Jack placed a hand on the younger man's shoulder.

Pointing across to the glass doors Daniel indicated the electric smoker. "No smoke."

Jack's gaze dropped to the plug that lay on the balcony floor, far from the outlet then jerked a thumb towards the oven. "No brown, still frozen."

Tapping the general on the shoulder, Daniel once again drew Jack's attention outside.

"Uh. Oh." Both said together as Teal'c lifted the remaining uncooked turkey from the table towards the frying pot at the same time Mitchell backed up into him. The last turkey slipped from its moorings and over the balcony rail it sailed.

Daniel grimaced as Jack took a look at the two casseroles still sitting on the counter uncooked. "So...you and the alien chick? Huh?"

"Yep. Beer?"

"Sure."

~o0o~~o0o~~o0o~~o0o~

As Mitchell sank to a chair covering his face with his hands, Teal'c walked inside dialing his cell phone. "Mr. Wong's Pizza Pagoda? Yes, I would like to order seven large turkey special pizzas."

"_You order three more, you get cranberry sauce free._"

"Alright, ten large specials."

"_Not thirty minutes. One hour_."

"That will be fine. Please deliver them to this address..."

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"_You've reached the Butterball Hotline. This is Elaine, how can I help?_"

"Greetings, Elaine, this is Te...Murray, and we have a situation."

"_Yes? Go on._"

"The turkey does not seem to be cooking."

"_Is the oven on_?"

"I am unsure."

"_Perhaps you should check it_?"

"That is most advisable. Thank you, Elaine. I will call again should I need further assistance."

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"_Hello! This is the Butterball Turkey Hotline!_"

"May I speak to Elaine again concerning my turkey?"

"_This is Becca, perhaps I can assist you._"

"The oven is now on. However, there seems to be cooking on the outside and not the inside."

"_Was the turkey fully thawed?_"

"I am unaware of the correct answer."

"_Oh. Well, we have an online chart to help you with the proper thawing technique_."

"I will have to call you back, Mr. Wong's Pizza Pagoda is here. I am responsible for paying."

"_Sure. Okay, sir. Call us back. We are here to assist you._"

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"_Happy Thanksgiving, this is Butterball Turkey Talk. I'm Katie, how can I help?_"

"I am Murray. It was not Mr. Wong's Pizza Pagoda. In fact is was General Landry, his wife and daughter."

"_Okay, Mr. Murray. What's your question_?"

"The consensus is that the turkey was indeed fully thawed. The temperature seems to have initially been high. ValaMalDoran has lowered the temperature and covered the turkey with aluminum foil. Is this the correct approach?"

"_Sounds right..._"

"Again, I must apologize. I do believe this time it is Mr. Wong's Pizza Pagoda at the door. Thank you for your time. Happy Thanksgiving, Katie, to you and Elaine and Becca."

~END


End file.
